Tag: Indie Publishing
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The official version of Hey! Ho! Giddy, Giddy Go! Go! lasts for thirteen minutes and thirty-two seconds, and has remained at the top of any chart you could think of for the last five and a half years. In its time there, Hey! Ho! Giddy, Giddy Go! Go! has inspired at least three hundred thousand million remixes, mash-ups, thrown-togethers, and any other audiovisual combination you can think of.The virulent spread of the Hey! Ho! Giddy, Giddy Go! Go! meme has resulted in the further creation of various genres and sub-genres. The most popular of these are the hundreds and thousands of fan-made films, where footage of people dancing in any kind of style has the Hey! Ho! Giddy, Giddy Go! Go! audio track laid over the top of it.
Another popular sub-strand of this meme has the song being played over short looped clips of animals doing animal things like, for example:
cats licking cats,
bats falling asleep,
snakes smiling,
pandas chewing bamboo and then doing their business (Doodah’s record label tried unsuccessfully to have this particular strand of the sub-genre removed from the world wide web),
sneezing ponies,
mice sleeping next to frogs,
badgers dancing near mushrooms,
rabbits caught in doorways,
rained-upon reindeer,
turtles wrestling with bricks,
dogs barking at bees,
bees stinging dogs,
swans being startled,
elephants eating cheese,
confused-looking tigers,
and chickens riding hypnotised alligators.
A further notable sub-strand of this meme is the footage of people from all over the world doing the official dance moves to Hey! Ho! Giddy, Giddy Go! Go! in all kinds of crazy places including, just occasionally, on stage.
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The world was still not safe from the danger of Dr Don’t Know, but at least Falcon Boy had risen from the grave and helped Ellis and Bewilder Bird stop three Troublebots from living up to their name.‘I wonder how we are going to find the remaining Troublebots and thwart whatever Dr Don’t Know is up to,’ Ellis wondered to herself. She didn’t have to wait too long to find out.
The trouble really started as Doodah and the rest of their backing dancers walked out onto the stage to the opening bars of Hey! Ho! Giddy, Giddy Go! Go!
‘Good evening, Panic Town!’ they shouted. ‘You are really delighted to see us.’
And Panic Town was, as was the rest of the world. A big cheer rang out across the cosmos.
‘Come on,’ shouted Deirdre, Daphne, Davey and Donny in the kind of harmony that can only truly be achieved electronically. ‘Join in if you know the words.’ (You can as well if you really feel like it!)
Hey! Ho! Giddy, Giddy Go! Go!
Hey! Ho! Giddy, Giddy Go! Go!
Hey! Ho! Giddy, Giddy Go! Go!
Hey! Ho! Giddy, Giddy Go! Go!
Hey! Ho! Giddy, Giddy Go! Go!
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Hey! Ho! Giddy, Giddy Go! Go!
(Are you tired yet?)
Hey! Ho! Giddy, Giddy Go! Go!
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(Keep going, you’re nearly there!!!)
Hey! Ho! Giddy, Giddy Go! Go!
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Hey! Ho! Giddy, Giddy Go! Go!
Hey! Ho! Giddy, Giddy Go! Go!
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Straight away, ‘Donny’ stopped struggling. The superheroes let go of him. Oily, sparky froth started coming out of his mouth and ears.‘We are one-thumb, two-thumb good,’ gurgled the Troublebot disguised as Donny. ‘Bringing joy…’ the singing stopped as the vocal circuits began to melt and fuse together. ‘Donny’ gave a foamy, sparky, belchy, gaseous, shuddery shudder before collapsing onto the ground.
‘Hooray,’ cheered Doodah in a hitherto unexpected, and never to be repeated, moment of group harmony, ‘you superheroes and your young friend have really truly saved us.’
Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird bowed and start posing in their usual triumphant ways, as Ellis started untying the band.
‘Don’t worry,’ said Falcon Boy, with his chin pointing to the sky. ‘That wasn’t really the real Donny we just superheroically destroyed, it was merely a Troublebot disguised as your drummer.’
‘You don’t say,’ thought Ellis, but she didn’t (say anything). Ellis noticed a knocking noise coming from a trunk in the corner of the dressing room. She opened the lock on the front and out jumped the real Donny.
‘Ready am I,’ he shouted. ‘Mmmmmmmth!!’
‘That’s our Donny,’ cheered Daphne, Deirdre and Davey, in a weird repeat of what had seemingly been an unrepeatable moment of group harmony.
In fact, so stunning was this piece of vocal synchronicity that the members of the group looked at each other in astonishment. However, before they could do any more than register the thought that something might require some further thought – a possibility as strange to Doodah as the synchronicity itself – there was a knock on the door and the stage manager stuck his head into the room.
‘You are due on stage in one minute,’ he said.
The shared thought, and the potentially life-changing possibilities inherent within its delicate DNA, were shattered by this new news and fell silently to the ground to lay like the promise of an alternative future all broken and smashed into tiny, silent, sullen shards.
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Doodah are proud endorsers of Fuzzy Cola© and you see their photograph on every bottle. When I say proud, I actually mean oblivious – it is Doodah’s management who are ‘proud’ to endorse Fuzzy Cola©. Doodah are simply Doodah as they sing the theme tune:If you’re not feelin’ buzzy
Why not reach for a bottle of
Fuzzy Cola?
It’ll bowl you over
Fuzzy Cola
We’ll win you over
with Fuzzy Fuzzy Cola
Fuzzy Cola
Because
Fuzzy is our Fizzness!!
Fuzzy Cola© is banned in many countries and is also on the World Health Organisation’s Dangerous Products Watch List. That’s fine, but pop concerts are different things altogether and there were crates of the stuff everywhere. As Councillor Footswerve reminded his wife, ‘It isn’t all rotten teeth and obesity, you know. They do a lot for charity that no one ever hears about.’
Normally, Ellis would not be allowed to be in the same room as a bottle of the stuff.
But in extraordinary times and extraordinary situations, it was extraordinarily important to be able to make extraordinary exceptions, and Ellis was sure that at this moment of extraordinary crisis, even her Mum and Dad would be extraordinarily understanding and momentarily relax their extraordinarily rigid rules on the subject long enough for her to grab a bottle and use it to disable an extraordinarily dangerous Troublebot.
‘If this stuff really does destroy your teeth, makes your eyes go in and out of focus, and causes small children in other countries to not only go hungry, but also have to leave school before they are ready in order to do a job they hate,’ Ellis said out loud, ‘then I wonder what it might do to a Troublebot?’
Just before ‘Donny’ managed to break free, Ellis stepped forward and poured the bottle of Fuzzy Cola© into the Troublebot’s grille.
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Ellis opened the door to Doodah’s dressing room and stepped inside, followed by the two superheroes.‘Guys,’ said Ellis, ‘Dr Don’t Know’s Troublebots have…’
Ellis stopped talking. For a split second, everything seemed normal but almost at once, she noticed that the dressing room smelled faintly of rusty oil and Donny was finishing tying up the other members of Doodah with electrical cable. ‘Donny’ looked up.
‘Don’t worry,’ ‘he’ said, ‘you’re all next.’
Quick as a flash, ‘Donny’ leapt towards Ellis but she was too quick and she ducked. ‘Donny’ sailed over her head and crashed straight into Bewilder Bird’s chest. Bewilder Bird fell backwards. The Troublebot landed on top of him.
‘Falcon Boy,’ shouted Ellis, ‘you know what to do!’
‘I do,’ said Falcon Boy excitedly. ‘I really, really do.’
And Falcon Boy did. So he did what he knew he needed to do.
Falcon Boy jumped onto the back of ‘Donny’ and tried to pull him off Bewilder Bird. Bewilder Bird was trying to stand up and between the two of them, they turned ‘Donny’ over. Bewilder Bird grabbed one arm and Falcon Boy grabbed the other.
‘Quick, Ellis,’ shouted Falcon Boy. ‘It’s your turn!’
He pulled open the front of the scarecrow outfit. Ellis could see the grille but she didn’t think she would be able to open it. On a nearby table was a crate of the world’s most famous soft drink, Fuzzy Cola©.
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Deirdre was extremely puzzled by the whole Donny thing, but what with the show about to start and everything else she had to think about, she really couldn’t be bothered to pursue this whole thing any further.
‘You better get your outfit on,’ she simply told the drummer. ‘The show is about to start and I really cannot be bothered to pursue this whole thing any further.’
‘Well, I am willing to at least discuss the possibility of maybe changing my entire attire for the benefit of the collective good, but this will not be before I have had the chance to interrogate you all individually as to the reasons for you all believing that such a personal metamorphosis is truly necessary,’ replied Donny gnomically.
‘Hang on,’ said Davey, his hopes for a simple world as equally dashed as Daphne’s, ‘where have you just been, Super-Pointless-People-Saying-Stupid-Long-Things-School?’
As he spoke, Davey thought he could detect a slight smell of oil in the air. ‘Probably nothing,’ he thought, ‘just me being the super-sensitive and hyper-imaginative soul that I am.’
‘Come on, everyone,’ he shouted to everyone. ‘We’ve got a show to get on with, so let’s get on with it.’
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‘Donny, how’s your lunch?’ you might ask him if you had just served him his favourite soup and sandwich combination – which, according to http://www.welovedoodah.com is listed as ‘Vegetable soup with a vegetable sandwich but without the vegetables’.‘Mhmhmhmh!’ he would probably reply. Or ‘Pssssthhh!’ Possibly even ‘Grrrrrrrrnth!’ You could be sure that he wouldn’t say, ‘Very nice, thank you, but the seasoning is a trifle lacking.’ Or even simply, ‘Thank you.’
There wasn’t really any need to engage Donny in conversation about anything. It just seemed simpler and more life affirming not to have to. This is why everyone was so surprised at how he now sounded after a seemingly simple trip to the bathroom.
Simply put, Donny had never spoken this way before. Even more simply put, Donny had never ever spoken this way before with a slightly robotic twang to his voice. Even more simply put than the last two simply puts, Donny had never ever ever spoken this way before whilst smelling very slightly of rusty oil.
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‘Donny,’ said Deirdre sternly. ‘Where have you been? The show is about to start and you need to get ready.’
‘But ready is such a relative term,’ said Donny to the surprise of everyone present. ‘I think that I must simply ask you to elaborate further before I can even begin to postulate a response here.’
‘Donny,’ gasped Daphne. ‘What were you doing in the toilet? Why are you talking in this scary, thinkful way?’ Daphne was as frightened of complex words as the next pop star.
‘Well, I think it is only right for me, at this juncture in the unfolding of time and space, to give you my most absolute and blessed assurance that my recent visit to the restroom is not a topic that I have any intention of discussing in public, now or at any other time,’ said Donny very gravely. ‘And in any case,’ he continued, ‘with reference to your previous question, I have always chosen to conduct my linguistic life in this lyrical manner.’
This is absolutely not true. Donny had never spoken like this in his entire life. He never really had anything to say and even if he did happen to have something to say, which, as I am suggesting, is rarely ever, he would never say it like this. I should know.
Like other people who aren’t much for talking, Donny’s world was one of grunts and nods and sighs, with the occasional sentence emerging from this glottal gloom.
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‘The crowd outside is getting very noisy,’ Daphne suddenly felt very mysteriously compelled to point out, even though it wasn’t possible to hear the crowd from this room. ‘Has anyone gone to look for Donny?’
Deirdre and Davey stopped fighting.
‘What are we going to do if Donny isn’t found?’ continued Daphne. ‘As you said, the show must go on, you know.’
Daphne was starting to look more and more confused.
‘And now we know that the show must go on, and it will be us who the show goes on with, then it could ruin the show if there is only three of us on stage to go on with the show with.’
As you can hear, Daphne was getting very close to the edge now. (So am I).
‘Who is going to play the drums?’ she shrieked.
‘I’ve always thought it looked really easy,’ said Deirdre matter-of-factly. ‘Perhaps I could have a go?’
‘But,’ said Davey, ‘who would do your thing?’
‘Well,’ Deirdre replied. ‘I could do my thing at the same time.’
‘I doubt it,’ said Davey. ‘You can barely manage to do your own thing on your own, let alone do someone else’s thing on your own as well as your own thing at the same time.’
Davey turned to face the remaining members of Doodah. Just occasionally, there were moments in his life when he felt inspired. This was one of them.
‘Listen to me,’ he said inspirationally. ‘We are Doodah and we have been Doodah since we started being Doodah. In fact, we were all Doodah before we were Doodah, even though we didn’t know we were Doodah.’
Davey stopped to let his brain catch up with his breath.
‘The crowd outside are waiting to see Doodah, so we will go outside and show them we are Doodah.’
Davey was on a roll now.
‘If Donny doesn’t show up before the concert starts, then we will play on without a drummer.’ Davey paused as if to demonstrate his business acumen.
‘In any case, we haven’t got time to find anyone else and it is far too late to be printing new t-shirts, calendars and pencil cases with a new drummer’s face on them.’
‘But…’ Deirdre began. Davey cut her off.
‘That’s the end of it,’ he said. ‘Now let’s start getting ready.’ Davey turned triumphantly to the mirror and began applying his make-up. As he did so, Donny suddenly reappeared.
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BARNABY TAYLOR 