As if the excitement wasn’t already more than enough, for their grand finale, Doodah will be sucked upwards into a mini candy-floss whirlwind and vanish from the stage to be replaced by radio-controlled miniature versions of themselves dressed as space pirates.
Like true artists and designers everywhere, Deirdre was very specific with her team.
‘It is the tiny details that can make or break a show,’ she reminded them. ‘So pay attention.’
‘I want wooden legs made of metal,’ she continued, ‘and pirate eye-patches complete with miniature windscreen wipers.’ Deirdre’s team nodded, some more enthusiastically than others.
‘Finally,’ she said finally, ‘I want the parrots on our shoulders to look like disco cockatoos.’
A series of mirrors and lenses will make these miniature versions of Doodah appear full size to the audience. The real Doodah will be backstage operating their miniature avatars by radio control.
Finally, just as the opening bars of One-Thumb, Two-Thumb Good begin, Doodah are going to be fired back onto the stage by four cannons made to look like the claws of an enormous bear.
This is really going to be some kind of show.
He will be thrilled if you follow him on Twitter! Falcon Boy @PBoyProductions #afairlyhopelesshero
For all the latest breaking news why not follow the Rebel Robot MCs? @RebelRobotMCs
Doodah love you and want you to follow them on Twitter @deirdredoodah
She couldn’t care less if you follow her on Twitter! Pearly Stockwell @PearlyStockwell
If universal destruction is more like your business then why not follow Dr Don’t Know on Twitter @drdontknow
Deirdre had planned for Doodah to bounce across the stage in the same pattern that a bee makes when it is collecting pollen. As they do so, their long-suffering backing dancers, now dressed as funky toadstools complete with pink polythene mushroom caps and grass-coloured clogs, will complete the spectacle by hurling scoopfuls of rubber honey into the audience.
Doodah will start the show dressed as electric scarecrows on stilts. The straw sticking out of their sleeves and hats will pulse different fluorescent colours in time to the music.
Nor, for fear of full and fearsome legal action, the kind that could likely bankrupt a small nation, am I allowed to give you any indication of what tracks they are performing, whether they have any new material or, indeed, whether or not they are planning to spontaneously ad lib over any breaks that they might or might not include in their set.
I really, really, really love the Rebel Robot MCs. Or Dalton Akimbo, Burlington Turner and Pascoe Wellesley as they are known to their friends, family and uber-fans like me.
Falcon Boy thought that the time was right for him to sound dignified.
Then, you then have to wait to see if the company are happy with the condition of the returned product and happy to issue a refund. If they aren’t, then you will need to enter into more correspondence and possibly eventually need to speak to an ombudsman and/or have the whole issue settled in the small claims court.
I’m not being cruel when I say this. The simple fact of these paragraphs is more than enough to demonstrate that just like his friend, but possibly for a slightly different reason, Bewilder Bird has still been imbued with the same kind of extraordinariness as his partner.
Falcon Boy was not much taller than Ellis. He was still wearing his beak-hat-mask and a yellow t-shirt with the feather logo surrounding his initials. His trousers were covered in dust and his stout hiking boots were in need of a polish. When Ellis looked closely, she could see the beginnings of a moustache growing on his top lip.
BARNABY TAYLOR 