Category: Fiction
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Finally, if you are still here at this point and haven’t given up reading in protest over the first three options, perhaps Option Number Four is the best option on offer today. I certainly hope that it is very attractive as an option or indeed, as attractive as an option ever can be because, after all, it is only an option and the whole point of an option is exactly that; it is only an option.
Anyway, for this option, I am asking you to choose to use your imagination and decide for yourself how Ellis manages to get from her house to Falcon Boy’s.
Now, I don’t want to put too much pressure on you if you choose this option, but you must understand that the rest of the story isn’t really going to work if you don’t manage to get Ellis from here to there so be sure to give it your best shot.
You may have to deal with some slight technical or even ethical issues, but I’m sure that you will manage somehow. I have left you some space here in the story to add your own ideas. I think nine lines should be enough.
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He will be thrilled if you follow him on Twitter! Falcon Boy @PBoyProductions #afairlyhopelesshero
She couldn’t care less if you follow her on Twitter! Pearly Stockwell @PearlyStockwell
If universal destruction is more like your business then why not follow Dr Don’t Know on Twitter @drdontknow
For the full FREE adventures of Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird why not download Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird versus Dr Don’t Know in a Battle for all the Life of all the Planets now.Share this:
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In Option Number Three, Falcon Boy does not use his superpower to con, convince, connive or conspire. Instead, and as can happen very occasionally (and only really in stories but possibly in real life but probably never in this way), it just so happens that something magically coincidental happens to Ellis.
For reasons probably to do with probability, possibility, impossibility and, of course, improbability, this option might work better if this book was a film, or when this book is a film (aim high, I always say).
In the film of this book, you could have a scientist explain what is about to happen. The scientist would be able to make it sound very likely and convincing. There is no scientist in this story about to explain anything but that doesn’t mean that one won’t be created for the screenplay. It happens all the time.
Failing all this, it would really take a separate book to properly justify what is about to happen, if any justification would be possible, so perhaps we should accept that what is about to happen happens, because who would want to read a book about this sort of thing anyway? Watching a film is a different story altogether but that is for a different story.
Anyway, Ellis accidentally pressed pause on her MP3 player when she meant to press stop and as she did so, she accidentally managed to pause the world of her house.
Ellis walked into the kitchen to see her Mum standing by the back door, paused and frozen in time.
‘I’m just popping out to save the world by finding out what has happened to Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird and then rescue them before Dr Don’t Know can put his evil plans into action,’ she said.
Mum didn’t reply. How could she? She had just been paused by an extremely convenient but profoundly improbable and wholly-shabby plot device.
Let’s see how they handle this option in the film.
He will be thrilled if you follow him on Twitter! Falcon Boy @PBoyProductions #afairlyhopelessheroShe couldn’t care less if you follow her on Twitter! Pearly Stockwell @PearlyStockwellIf universal destruction is more like your business then why not follow Dr Don’t Know on Twitter @drdontknowFor the full FREE adventures of Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird why not download Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird versus Dr Don’t Know in a Battle for all the Life of all the Planets now.Share this:
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Now, this option is slightly different to the first one and I am not sure that I really like it that much. Nevertheless, it is a viable one so I’ll let you decide. It will also alleviate the concern about what will happen when Ellis’s Mum and her friend stop talking in Option Number One.
Falcon Boy uses his superpower again and convinces Ellis’s Mum that she really needs to give more back to society, and she can start doing this by calling a direct marketing company and offering to complete as many surveys as they have got.
‘Really?’ came the unscripted response from the extremely surprised direct marketeer. ‘All of them?’
‘Absolutely,’ said Mum. ‘I have always thought what a thankless task you people must have and I suddenly got the idea to do something to make your job a bit more bearable.’
‘Thank you very much,’ came the reply, still unscripted. ‘This may take a while,’ said the marketeer, ‘so I hope you are sitting down.’
‘I am now,’ said Ellis’s Mum as she sits down on a kitchen stool. ‘So what do you want to know?’
Ellis realised that this was going to take a while so she took the opportunity to grab her scooter, open the front door and head off towards the park without her Mum knowing.
Obviously, I am not encouraging anyone to be as reckless as to let their small child out of the house unattended. Or, indeed, phone a direct marketing company directly. Or do both. Nevertheless, some of you might like the options that this option offers.
He will be thrilled if you follow him on Twitter! Falcon Boy @PBoyProductions #afairlyhopelessheroShe couldn’t care less if you follow her on Twitter! Pearly Stockwell @PearlyStockwellIf universal destruction is more like your business then why not follow Dr Don’t Know on Twitter @drdontknowFor the full FREE adventures of Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird why not download Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird versus Dr Don’t Know in a Battle for all the Life of all the Planets now.Share this:
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Ellis knows that Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird live in a small house at the very edge of the Panic Town Park and Ornamental Gardens. She knows the park very well and only last weekend had been in the playground trying to master the monkey bars. From her house, the park isn’t very far and Ellis will only have to cross two roads, both with traffic lights.
Falcon Boy’s brand-new superpower allows him to say something to someone and make it sound like an idea that has just popped into their head. He suggested to Ellis’s Mum that it might be a nice idea to surprise Ellis with a spontaneous trip to the park.
‘I’ve just had a great idea,’ said Ellis’s Mum. ‘I don’t know why I didn’t think of it earlier.’ (We do!)
‘It’s a lovely evening and your dad won’t be home for a while, so why don’t we two girls go and have some fun together in the playground?’
Ellis understood immediately that Mum’s idea had come from Falcon Boy.
‘Thank you,’ she whispered to the kidnapped superhero.
‘No problem,’ said Falcon Boy. ‘Our house is just by the gate so you shouldn’t have any problem getting a chance to take a look.’
Ellis and her Mum reached the gates of the park when a voice called out, ‘Hello there, and how are you? I haven’t seen you for ages. How have you been?’ It was one of Mum’s chatty friends and Ellis knew that she would be waiting for a while as the two friends chat.
‘Here’s my chance,’ she thought and slipped through the gate that lead to Falcon Boy’s house.
We won’t think about what will happen once Mum and her friend stop talking. That’s for another time.
He will be thrilled if you follow him on Twitter! Falcon Boy @PBoyProductions #afairlyhopelessheroShe couldn’t care less if you follow her on Twitter! Pearly Stockwell @PearlyStockwellIf universal destruction is more like your business then why not follow Dr Don’t Know on Twitter @drdontknowFor the full FREE adventures of Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird why not download Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird versus Dr Don’t Know in a Battle for all the Life of all the Planets now.Share this:
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Getting Ellis out of her house is a problem that has caused me more concern than many of the other sections of this increasingly dubious tale. The only sensible solution that I can come up with is to present four viable possibilities and leave it up to each of you to decide for yourselves which possibility you prefer the most.
This way might allow me to feel slightly less concerned about behaving irresponsibly and inappropriately or, worse, condoning irresponsible or inappropriate behaviour.
After all, it is a big responsibility to write something that someone else might read. Because of this, I don’t really want anyone to think that letting a young, unaccompanied girl out of her house to investigate a kidnapping and try to save the world is a good idea in real life.
However, I do need Ellis to get out of her house and look for Falcon Boy. Otherwise the story stops here and goes no further. And no one will ever know what happens next.
So, going back to the options, whichever one you choose will have the same end result: the next time we meet Ellis she will be standing outside Falcon Boy’s house. The only thing you have to decide is how you want her to get there.
If anyone is looking for further assurance here, then it is worth me pointing out that I have absolutely no intention of letting anything terrible happen to Ellis. You have my word. So here are the options:
He will be thrilled if you follow him on Twitter! Falcon Boy @PBoyProductions #afairlyhopelessheroShe couldn’t care less if you follow her on Twitter! Pearly Stockwell @PearlyStockwellIf universal destruction is more like your business then why not follow Dr Don’t Know on Twitter @drdontknowFor the full FREE adventures of Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird why not download Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird versus Dr Don’t Know in a Battle for all the Life of all the Planets now.Share this:
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As usual, Pearly was going to have to try and sort things out herself. Following an all-night stint with her homemade chromatography kit, Pearly is able to identify the glove as possibly belonging to Burgess, the caretaker of the Fallstown Junior and Senior Academy for Boys and for Girls.
‘I knew he would be the prime suspect,’ she crows triumphantly. Pearly had always considered Burgess to be a suspicious sort of fellow. ‘After all, he talks to himself,’ she continues, ‘that’s a sure sign that something suspicious is going on.’
Wanderley disguises himself as a classroom skeleton and waits for three days in a dusty storeroom before he hears Burgess asking the kidnapped headmaster of the Fallstown Junior and Senior Academy for Boys and For Girls if he wanted his tea yet.
This is all the evidence Pearly needs and, once again, Windy has to run really fast.
‘Run, Windy, run,’ says Pearly and Windy was off before she even had time to tell him where to run to. At the same time, Wes uses his strength to keep Burgess locked in the storeroom, while Pearly uses her detecting skills to follow the very loud but slightly muffled shouting that leads her to discover Dr. Trimfit locked in a wardrobe.
Even at her age, Ellis already knew enough to know that, just like Pearly Stockwell, everything depended upon the detail. If she could just get to Falcon Boy’s house, she was sure she would find out what was going on. But how could she possibly get there?
She was too young to drive a car and her tea was nearly ready. She couldn’t ask her Mum if it was alright to have her tea later because she needed to set off on a quest to try and rescue Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird and save the world from the madness of Dr Don’t Know.
And here we are presented with a very interesting narrative challenge: how on earth can a six-year-old girl leave the safety of her own home to go off and investigate the kidnapping and disappearance of two superheroes by an internationally renowned supervillain, and along the way potentially get caught up in all kinds of dangerous and world-threatening events?
How am I going to get out of this one?
He will be thrilled if you follow him on Twitter! Falcon Boy @PBoyProductions #afairlyhopelessheroShe couldn’t care less if you follow her on Twitter! Pearly Stockwell @PearlyStockwellIf universal destruction is more like your business then why not follow Dr Don’t Know on Twitter @drdontknowFor the full FREE adventures of Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird why not download Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird versus Dr Don’t Know in a Battle for all the Life of all the Planets now.Share this:
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For all of the digressions and complications so far, Ellis’s plan was actually very simple. She would go to Falcon Boy’s house and see if she could find any clues.
It won’t surprise you to learn that something very similar happened in We Really Hope You Can, Pearly Stockwell when, dissatisfied with the slow progress being made by the Fallstown Police, Pearly takes it upon herself to investigate the disappearance of Dr Workaday Trimfit, founder and headmaster of the Fallstown Junior and Senior Academy For Boys and For Girls.
The Fallstown Junior and Senior Academy for Boys and For Girls (the founding charter of the Fallstown Junior and Senior Academy for Boys and For Girls made it a legal requirement that whenever the Fallstown Junior and Senior Academy for Boys and For Girls was mentioned in any media form that its full title, the Fallstown Junior and Senior Academy for Boys and For Girls, is always used in full and never ever abbreviated).
This would also explain why any correspondence ever received by anyone from the Fallstown Junior and Senior Academy for Boys and For Girls tended to be on the rather bulky side and normally didn’t fit through the average letterbox.
As she embarks upon her preliminary investigation, Pearly spots a dirty rubber glove on the floor outside the headmaster’s study. The police had already dusted the entire Fallstown Junior and Senior Academy for Boys and For Girls for fingerprints, and didn’t think that the glove was important.
‘Sorry, Pearly,’ says Inspector Benson, ‘my boys don’t think the glove means anything to anyone.’
Pearly isn’t convinced.
‘But the glove has a name tag inside it,’ she points out. ‘If we could just read the name, we could have a lead.’
‘The name could be anyone’s name,’ counters the Inspector. ‘What would that tell us?’
‘It would tell us the name of someone who might have had something to do with Dr Trimfit’s disappearance,’ says Pearly forcefully.
‘It might,’ says the Inspector, ‘but it might also tell us the name of someone who had absolutely nothing to do with the disappearance and I can’t have my boys harassing innocent people now, can I? That would never do.’
He will be thrilled if you follow him on Twitter! Falcon Boy @PBoyProductions #afairlyhopelessheroShe couldn’t care less if you follow her on Twitter! Pearly Stockwell @PearlyStockwellIf universal destruction is more like your business then why not follow Dr Don’t Know on Twitter @drdontknowFor the full FREE adventures of Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird why not download Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird versus Dr Don’t Know in a Battle for all the Life of all the Planets now.Share this:
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‘Okay,’ said Ellis. ‘Then what happened?’
This is great, she thought. I sound just like Pearly Stockwell. Maybe one day, someone is going to write a story about me trying to solve a mystery or investigate a disappearance, kidnapping or other solar-system-threatening situation.
Falcon Boy continued.
‘The doorbell rang and I remember thinking that this was very strange as the supper party we had organised for Councillor Denver Footswerve and his wife, Peculia, wasn’t until next week.’
Falcon Boy paused here as he allowed the names that he had dropped to fall heavily to the floor with a hearty thud. Ellis didn’t notice but I’m sure you did.
‘Bewilder Bird was very annoyed at having to answer the door but I was busy on the laptop and it was his turn to go. I listened and waited but he didn’t come back. The doorbell rang again so I put down my laptop and went into the hall. Bewilder Bird was nowhere to be seen and so I thought that maybe he was standing out on the porch talking to a well-wisher.’
‘Just as I opened the front door, I remember catching a brief whiff of something that smelled like hot oil but before I had time to do anything, there was a bright flash of light. The next thing I remember was waking up here with Bewilder Bird.’
Falcon Boy sounded very upset and even though the whole thing was beginning to get very weird indeed, Ellis kind of already knew – as I am sure that all of you do too – that it was going to be down to her to do something to try and find Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird and, by doing so, help save the world from total and utter destruction.
‘I’m going to find you,’ Ellis said, and hoped that she sounded like Pearly Stockwell. ‘I’m going to come and find you both and help you escape.’
‘Great,’ said Falcon Boy, ‘but how? You don’t know where we are.’
‘No,’ said Ellis, ‘I don’t know where you are but I am still going to find you. I am going to use all my powers of imagination and thinking and deduction to find a way to find out where you are and rescue you.’
Ellis felt brave and helpful and, for a moment, dreamed of one day forming her own gang of clever clue solvers like the Interesting Twins.
He will be thrilled if you follow him on Twitter! Falcon Boy @PBoyProductions #afairlyhopelessheroShe couldn’t care less if you follow her on Twitter! Pearly Stockwell @PearlyStockwellIf universal destruction is more like your business then why not follow Dr Don’t Know on Twitter @drdontknowFor the full FREE adventures of Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird why not download Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird versus Dr Don’t Know in a Battle for all the Life of all the Planets now.Share this:
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Each week, Concrete Superstar challenged three celebrities to lay the perfect concrete patio. Aided by experts, a whole range of stars of stage, screen (both big and small), music and anywhere else mixed, shovelled, poured, levelled, screed, bull-floated, hand-floated, rounded (if required), cut-in, and broomed their concrete in a race against both the clock and the other contestants.
The locations chosen were both indoor and outdoor and for the second season, it had been proposed that the programme go to different locations around the world so that factors like local building customs, union regulations and temperature extremes could be brought into play. Sadly, however, this was never to be.
Like many other people (but sadly, as it turns out, ultimately not enough other people), Bewilder Bird found Concrete Superstar really exciting because you could never really tell which one of the chosen celebrities would be the best at pouring concrete just by looking.
For example, who could have known that Dame Circular Rosetwine, opera singer and biscuit entrepreneur, would beat upper body muscle model and self-confessed DIY enthusiast Flint Roland in the first episode?
‘I thought I had it in the bag,’ said Flint afterwards, ‘until one of the production crew told me that I had poured the concrete upside down. It wasn’t until I had ripped everything out and started again that I realised they had been pulling my leg.’
In the second episode, renowned aristocratic bad-boy ventriloquist Sheridan Shaw and his foul-breathed puffer fish puppet, Puff the Puffer Fish, lost out to one-time pop sensation Dorothy Sister, lead singer of the reasonably-famous (and reasonably-named) Dorothy Sisters.
Puff the Puffer Fish refused to cooperate during the aggregate mixing phase and allowed Dorothy Sister to win by a technical default, even though she had managed to bury one of her high heels beneath a crazy-paving slab.
He will be thrilled if you follow him on Twitter! Falcon Boy @PBoyProductions #afairlyhopelessheroShe couldn’t care less if you follow her on Twitter! Pearly Stockwell @PearlyStockwellIf universal destruction is more like your business then why not follow Dr Don’t Know on Twitter @drdontknowFor the full FREE adventures of Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird why not download Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird versus Dr Don’t Know in a Battle for all the Life of all the Planets now.Share this:
BARNABY TAYLOR 