Good News and Bad News

Falcon Boy: A Fairly Hopeless Hero: Volume Two

The Brothers Revoltable Travelling Circus and Other Crazy Fun with Special Guests Chapter 23 ‘Good News and Bad News’

With all this talk of circuses and general media excitement it is easy to forget that not everyone is having a great time at the moment. For every one person excitedly waiting for the circus to begin there will be someone else who cannot wait for the day to pass into night. Take Pearly Stockwell, for example.

If you remember the last time we met Pearly Stockwell she was facing the prospect of extinction and this was a very sad thing for her and the Interesting Twins to have to contemplate. Well things have changed considerably since then and this is good news and bad news at the same time.

The good news is that the Pearly Stockwell Franchise has been bought out by the GMD Media Group and the adventure series has now started again online. The bad news is that GMD Media are the most cynical, money grabbing media group of all the most cynical money grabbing media groups. You only have to take a look at the New Adventures of Pearly Stockwell and the Very Interesting Friends to see what I mean.

Fearing that the public would be confused by the original concept of the Interesting Twins actually being three brothers, none of whom were twins, GMD Media have now rebranded them the Very Interesting Friends. Citing focus groups and customer feedback metrics GMD Media insist that this is making the franchise appeal to a brand new audience. If that wasn’t bad enough – and clearly it is – the New Adventures of Pearly Stockwell are far more dependent upon other adventures happening elsewhere than they are on anything now taking place in Fallstown.

For example, in Episode One, ‘Pearly Finds a New Market to Explore’, everyone’s favourite sassy child detective is forced through a series of unlikely coincidences to team up with four young reptiles called Mozart, Beethoven, Stravinsky and Rimsky-Korsakov who go by the name of the Kung Fu Terrapin Tots.

‘But I don’t see why we should work with them,’ grumbled Wes. ‘They ain’t so tough and don’t look up to much of nothing.’

‘Yeah,’ whined Windy. ‘How can they run fast wearing all those swords and masks and stuff?’

‘I don’t know,’ replied Pearly, ‘but judging by how things have been going recently for all of us I’m guessing that we might have to put up with them for a while yet.’

And she was right.

In Episode Two, ‘Where the Sewers Have No Name’, Mozart and Beethoven rescue Pearly from the sewers beneath Fallstown whilst Stravinsky and Rimsky-Korsakov battle a gang of street urchins. Wes does his best to join in the fight but considering that GMD Media want him to be less violent that he was previously so Wes now spends much more time trying to engage in constructive dialogue with potential foes than he does boxing their ears.

‘You know,’ he tells the closest street urchin who is attempting to hit him on the back of the head with a short plank of wood, ‘conflict isn’t always the best indicator of a successful future.’ Wes ducks at just the right time and continues. ‘Have you considered therapy or voluntary work? It would really help if you talked things over with a responsible adult.’

As usual Windy ran to fetch the authorities, only this time they were less than thrilled to have a panting child telling them what they should do.

‘We can no longer rely on the word of sweaty children who are out of breath,’ said Inspector Shickey. ‘This sends such a terrible message to the world.’ The Inspector got up from his desk. ‘From now on we will need all crime-related reports to be corroborated by at least one costumed crime fighter, preferably a reptile.’

Wanderley was still a master of disguise but now seemed to spend far more of his time disguised and far less of his time being crucial to any investigation. It is only at the very end of ‘Where the Sewers Have No Name’ that someone remembers to tell Wanderley that he no longer needs to be disguised as a rusty ladder that leads down into the sewers.