Falcon Boy: Vol. 1: 46 ‘What are you doing, Mr Frog?’ Part II

Falcon Boy laughed triumphantly and Ellis suddenly wished that she had just kept quiet. Falcon Boy interpreted Ellis’s response as a desire for more.

‘Perhaps you’ll get this one,’ he said excitedly. ‘What cheese do you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone. Why did the fish cry? Because the seaweed. How many women do you find in a monastery? Nun.’

Falcon Boy was warming to the task. ‘What about a riddle?’ he asked. ‘If it takes a week to walk a fortnight, how many apples in a barrel of pears? I have three legs standing and four legs sitting. How many legs do I have when I go to sleep?

A green bean, a red ball and a yellow bicycle are in a blue bucket. Which one is broken? When I went to bed, I was the oldest man in the world. When I woke up, I wasn’t. What happened? Three men. One spade. Two holes. Discuss. I’m equal to, but not less than. I’m in and around, but not under. I’m about and between, but not nearly enough. How close am I?’

‘Enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ cried Ellis, echoing the thoughts of the entire planet, past, present and future. ‘I don’t need to hear any more.’

You probably feel the same way as Ellis. People say that laughter is the best medicine but these people haven’t heard what we have just heard. Jokes as bad as these are likely to make people ill, not make them feel better.

Falcon Boy laughed loud, long and heartily. The kind of laugh that is just so infuriating that anyone laughing this way should be fired into space strapped to a rocket, marooned on a desert island, forced to knock on every door in Panic Town to apologise in person, or be sprayed bright red with irremovable paint as a permanent reminder of how irritating their laugh really is.

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