Dr Don’t Know still said nothing, and so the scientist continued continuing.

‘The target’s name is Ellis. Our last report indicates that she has now left the house shared by Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird and is headed for the Panic Town Stadium.’ The scientist paused. ‘We have got to stop her before it is too late!’

Dr Don’t Know didn’t react so the scientist reacted for him.

‘Putting aside for one moment the whole evil plan thing, I thought it was also worth me formally registering my complete and utter disgust that a young girl like this has been allowed to leave the family home unsupervised.’ The scientist was angry now.

‘Never in all my time as a professional have I ever known anything as unprofessional as this being allowed to happen.’ Dr Don’t Know still said nothing. The scientist continued continuing his continuing.

‘Whoever is responsible for letting this young child leave her family home and get caught up in all manner of world-threatening adventures should, at the very least, be named and shamed!’

The scientist slammed his fist into the palm of his other hand in that gesture so beloved by people who are looking for the physical equivalent of the grammatical violence of an exclamation mark.


‘It may interest you to know,’ the scientist continued, ‘that if it were down to me, the person responsible for such irresponsibility would be

tarred and feathered,

pursued aggressively to the very bounds of the bailiwick,

hung by their heels over a vat of rancid soup until they coughed uncontrollably,

forced to publicly confess their crimes on television,

severely castigated, so much so that the mere possibility of any future castigation would cause them to tremble uncontrollably,

dealt with silently for the rest of their lives,

made to walk backwards forever,

picked out for the rest of their days by a powerful spotlight.’

As you can see, the scientist feels very strongly about this.

‘As you can see,’ said the scientist to the Doctor, ‘I feel very strongly about this.’ Dr Don’t Know still said nothing.

‘I can’t help feeling,’ concluded the scientist, ‘that this poor innocent child has been deliberately made to leave the house in order to further the aims of someone who is constantly manipulating situations like this to simply suit themselves.’ The scientist looked around.

‘If I didn’t know any better,’ he said, ‘I would swear that we are all simply characters in someone else’s so-so story.’

Dr Don’t Know pressed a wobbly button on his desk that said ‘Troublebot’ and three of them appeared.

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FBAPPEARANCE2He will be thrilled if you follow him on Twitter! Falcon Boy @PBoyProductions #afairlyhopelesshero

CeLEhc6W8AANLy6.jpg_largeShe couldn’t care less if you follow her on Twitter! Pearly Stockwell @PearlyStockwell

DRDIf universal destruction is more like your business then why not follow Dr Don’t Know on Twitter @drdontknow

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