Falcon Boy: A Fairly Hopeless Hero Volume 1: 5

‘The Cowardly Jumpy Nolan’ Part 4

Straight away, you will be pleased to hear that Falcon Boy has rethought his catchphrase. Personally, I was very fond of ‘I’m good, me! I can help and fight and save you!’ I have even tried to incorporate it into my own life, with fairly varied results. However, I am sure you will agree that ‘Jumping Jupiter’ trips more readily off the tongue. Falcon Boy continued.

‘This here is my esteemed superhero friend and partner in derring-do, the mighty Bewilder Bird, and he will stand for none of this nonsense neither.’

Bewilder Bird shook his fist again to emphasise his complete unwillingness to stand for no nonsense of this nature.

Thinking that the going here was going to get pretty tough, pretty soon the trouble of toughs decided not to tough it out. Instead, like bullies everywhere, they decided to run away.

One can only hope that even as we speak, Jumpy is experiencing the sort of boring, depressing things that bullies deserve to experience. Sewing mail bags, for example. Digging deep dirty holes in the rotten rain. Watching a telephone that never rings. Getting no presents on his birthday. Not being sat next to on the bus. Or sipping cheap powdered soup from a chipped mug as he looks out through a dirty window, at a world that is having much more fun than he ever will.

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