Falcon Boy 1: 5 ‘The Cowardly Jumpy Nolan’ Part I

Stun Ramsford worked as a gardener for the Panic Town Parks and Gardens Department for forty-seven years, before finally being convinced to retire following a campaign initiated by the Panic Town Gazetteer.

Gardening was Stun’s life and even though he was no longer employed by the town, he still turned up at the Panic Town Park and Ornamental Gardens each day, weeding the flower beds and pushing his own wheelbarrow up and down the paths.

‘No one knows the weeds like I do,’ he told the Gazetteer. ‘When the time comes, I want to be buried in the compost heap along with the fruit peel, sandwich boxes and grass cuttings.’

One day in July, a gang of out-of-town toughs headed down to the Panic Town Park and Ornamental Gardens, looking to wreak some horticultural havoc.

Have you ever wondered what to call a gang of toughs? A pack? A group? A gaggle? A fist? What about a trouble of toughs? Anyway, the leader of this gang-pack-group-gaggle-fist-trouble of toughs was a repulsive, odious-looking fellow called Jumpy Nolan.

Jumpy was very tall with hunched, round shoulders. He wore baggy children’s clothes and had a face like a ventriloquist’s dummy that had been dropped from a great height. Jumpy also had a very foul temper that he reserved for the young, the elderly, the inanimate and anyone or anything else that he thought he could be tough with and get away with it.

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