But people were doing things, plenty of things, just not the sort of things Clayton had imagined people would be doing.
‘I’m having some people over at the weekend,’ said an ugly-looking alien to an ancient-looking god with a cloak made of crow feathers, ‘but two of them are vegan and three others are lactose-intolerant.’ The alien scratched its three heads. ‘Planning the menu is a nightmare.’
‘You poor thing,’ said the god. ‘Have you thought about getting a take-away?’
‘I have,’ replied the alien, ‘but what about the MSG?’
The ancient-looking god nodded. ‘You’re right and in any case, you’ll all be hungry half an hour after you have eaten.’
‘Make sure you have plenty of salad,’ said a passing lizard. ‘That is sure to keep everyone happy.’ The lizard flicked its very long tongue. ‘That would work for me.’
The gathered superheroes turned to Falcon Boy. ‘What would you suggest?’
‘Who cares?’ replied Falcon Boy. ‘I joined SuperHeroVerse™ to forget about the ordinary world, not to go on and on about it.’
‘Humppff!’ humppffed the alien. ‘You’re no help.’
Bewilder Bird had exactly the same experience as Falcon Boy, only his was slightly different because Bewilder Bird chose not to speak to anyone. Instead he just listened. And he couldn’t believe his ears either.
Once Falcon Boy and Bewilder Bird realised that there were no superhero things to do in SuperHeroVerse, they both decided to leave. But the whole creating a new identity thing was extremely intoxicating and Falcon Boy felt very reluctant to relinquish his newly-formed alter-ego.
‘If I’m not allowed to swoop and sweep like a bird of prey online anymore,’ Falcon Boy wondered, ‘then what about I try to swoop and sweep in real life?’ The idea seemed like a good one and the more he thought about it, the more it felt something like his destiny.
‘There has to be more to life than stirring pickles,’ thought Clayton. ‘I can’t be stinking of vinegar until the day I die.’
And of course he was right. There is more to life than stirring pickles unless, of course, stirring pickles is all you have ever wanted to do with your life. In that case, well done to you and I hope you get the chance to keep stirring. The same goes for stinking of vinegar.