First, you need to speak to someone and explain the problem. If they accept that the problem is one that they are prepared to deal with – and Bewilder Bird couldn’t be sure whether the mistake with the measurements was his or not – then you need to pack the product back up again and take it to the nearest post office.

Then, you then have to wait to see if the company are happy with the condition of the returned product and happy to issue a refund. If they aren’t, then you will need to enter into more correspondence and possibly eventually need to speak to an ombudsman and/or have the whole issue settled in the small claims court.

The whole thing just seemed like too much trouble for Bewilder Bird to bother.

Furthermore, whilst he was deciding what sort of superhero he was going to be, Bewilder Bird took the decision to be the strong and silent type and vowed that no one would ever hear his voice. A vow of this magnitude would necessarily exclude making telephone calls to mail order companies so Bewilder Bird decided to keep the boots.

For some people, the fact that Bewilder Bird never speaks is seen as a sign of his strength. For others, myself included, this silence makes things very awkward when you bump into him on the streets of Panic Town.

Just like the boots, but with more success measurement-wise, Bewilder Bird’s outfit had also been custom-made and consists of a red superhero bodysuit with the letters ‘BB’ sewn onto a golden shield on his chest. This is worn with a long golden cloak that is tattered at the edges. A simple golden handkerchief covers half his face.

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