Like almost all of some parts of the rest of the world, Panic Town had the choice of nearly twenty-seven television channels. Yet for most people, 123 Celebrity News was the only channel of choice.

123 Celebrity News was beamed, bounced, screened, recorded, streamed, downloaded, torrented, zipped, compressed, shared, copied, replayed, burnt, backed-up, archived, data-managed and saved for later all day every day so that Panic Town could gorge itself on celebrity news until it fell into an audiovisual stupor.

The breaking news this morning was coming live from the steps of the Town Hall and promised to be a celebrity feast like no other had ever been witnessed. It was guaranteed to revitalise even the most constipated of viewers.

‘Hi everyone, my name is Juniper Jarvis and I’m reporting live for 123 Celebrity News. I’m with that well-known bad guy and all-round celebrity super-villain, the legendary Dr Don’t Know.’